It’s a surprise that I am a terrible human being. On first impressions I am the opposite; my inability to get angry and my overly empathetic nature paired with my pure love of nature makes me gentle and soft to the touch. I am easy to step on and will barely make a sound. That is how I have been raised. I wish I could change that but unfortunately it’s not so simple. Rewriting what the past had laid down and endless years had trodden over so many times takes great strength, something I lack at most important moments in my life. It is this lack of strength that leads to my terrible nature in love, the disregarding of past lovers as I wander into new relationships with strings not yet cut. Never do I learn. Never do I make an effort to do. I believe I inherited this ‘brilliant’ outlook from my mother. I see it in my sister too.
It’s hard to explain the logic I see in it all because there isn’t really any. When I am out of love I will desert the cause and move onwards without a single word of explanation. Like I said, I am terrible with conflict. The partner might not even know I’ve left for good. I could be chatting up a new individual and they would ask when I was coming home. Never, I tell them, never. In this macabre process I hurt two or more individuals at a time, the past and the present interest.
I don’t think I should talk about this anymore. It’s getting a little incriminating.