I’m well aware it’s nobody’s fault. From what I’ve heard and seen I think the child actually has a mental or physical issue which allows this to happen and, if my theory is true, then I will tolerate this without snarkiness. And if I’m laying prematurely awake with red eyes at 8am on a Sunday morning then no doubt the parents are doing the same. The parents can’t well tell him to cool his boots every single morning when he yells in excitement. They’re probably knackered too, throwing the pillow over their head and longing that this time he’ll keep it down. But he’s four years old and any child that age is essentially a barrel of hyperactive monkeys, which in this case are howling. Kicking a child like that down at such a young age could kill a talent and an unconscious dream and I don’t want that for him.

I’M WELL AWARE IT’S NOBODY’S FAULT BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN I DON’T WANT TO SET THE NEIGHBOURING HOUSE ON FIRE WITH EVERYONE INSIDE INCLUDING THAT SCREAMING BANSHEE CHILD. THERE ARE TWO THIRDS OF THIS HOUSE COMMITTING TO SHIFTS THAT END AT TEN THIRTY IN THE EVENING AND 6 IN THE MORNING AND BECAUSE OF LITTLE MR. ‘I HAVE A MOUTH AND WILL SCREAM AS I CHOOSE’ WE CANNOT HAVE A STABLE SLEEPING PATTERN. GO TO SLEEP YOU LITTLE DEMON OR AT LEAST RETURN TO HELL OR PERHAPS THIS IS HELL. FROM THE GLEEFUL SOUNDS IT’S MAKING IT SURE IS.

I’ll feed the brat to one of those crabs at Sydney Aquarium. We’re bros.

 

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